Aimless - Hello, welcome and.................. CONGRATULATIONS!
That's right - congratulations! You extracted yourself from a dangerous cult and you are still only 20 yrs old! I didn't escape until my 30's! Many not until much older. You have so much life to look forward too! And what is more, having had a cult experience so early on in life you will not likely be caught by one again!
As to your shame at being involved can I point out 2 things: 1) They are a large, well financed efficient brain-washing organisation. 2) You were just a child.
You were a victim of a cult. You successfully escaped without help from anyone! Incredible! So well done!
As to being aimless about what to do with your life.... well, you'll just have learn who you are and what it is you want from life, and that just takes time. But when you know, it will be YOUR decisions about YOUR life, rather that being a drone of the Unspeakable anf Filthful Slave, wasting your youth in endless Field Circus and Boasting Sessions etc etc.
So cheer up! YOU ARE ALREADY A WINNER!
Ben
PS - If you want an insight on how they got you read Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steve Hassan. It is not about JW's but about the Moonies, but the insights apply perfectly to the JW's as well. There are also loads of sites on the net about the Witlesses.